binatog's Xanga

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 07:59:42 GMT

i'm really confused right now. i dunno if i really love somebody or if i just am infatuated with him, though i think the latter is more likely. i need TIME.

for you

Sun, 25 Jun 2006 13:01:24 GMT

sorry.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 07:41:46 GMT

Why does love have to hurt so bad?

I don’t know. I don’t want to feel so happy because I know it’ll only be followed by intense pain of having to love somebody who has never AND can never be MINE. I don’t even know what to feel anymore. I want to feel numb from all this pain. I want to be as cold as ice. But if I become like that, how can I experience loving you?

I loved you too much to the point of letting you go. I let you follow your own path for three years. I made you follow your own path, even though it meant you were to go farther from me. That’s how much I loved you.

I went my own way in the hope of finding you again. But it was all too soon that I realized that we were going towards opposite paths. You, with your back turned against me. And me, standing— waiting for you to turn and face me. I waited but that time never came. I followed my own path in sheer hope that I would meet someone who would make me feel my worth. I walked and followed my dream for three years. Yes, three years of never turning back to face you. I was, in a way, successful in forgetting you. I shifted my attention to things which would not remind me of you. It was all too good to be true.

It has only been quite a while since we crossed paths yet again. I never expected— even wanted to see you. I knew we were on opposite paths, but how come we met once again? Maybe we were meant to be in this circular path which would only bring us back together again. Maybe it is fate’s way of telling us we can never be on opposite roads, for life would only bring us back together at some point.

I expected you to be there for me. To be happy to see me. For us to be just like before.

+hmm. haven't finished writing (typing) this one up. maybe it's because i still am confused.. hay.. hirap talaga ma-inlove+

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 06:39:32 GMT

grabe, im so sleepy. i just got off the bus from manila about 9 hours ago and i'm really really tired. and, i still need to write a lousy mini-thesis for my sociology class tomorrow. wah. i just want to rest right now. hai.

nga pla, did i tell you i'm studying in baguio right now? hehe. it really sucks to be away from the people you love so much, but i guess all my sacrifices would pay off in the end.

hay...

i gotta go. i still have my physics class.

sir al* na!!

tata~ <3

+nax, a 'the One'-less post.. medyo ok kasi kami ngayon. hihi. < 3+

*sir aladdin jasmin. (nice name, eh? *a whole new world*) my physics prof who's HotTer than the sun. haha. exag!!

to the one i love most.

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 15:13:01 GMT

~~~~~

i love you.

i waited for so long to tell you this.

but neither time nor destiny allowed me to.

it was as if the whole world was against my love.

a love that has proven to be strong

despite all difficulties.

i just have one thing to tell you.

something i've kept for the past two years or so.

i waited for this moment for so long.

i would give up everything just for you to know that..

i love you and i always will.

~~~~~~

*looks up*

wrote that last year. haha.

*sorry guys. i still have this hangover. haha. it's just that.. hmm. never mind. =p

hai. it's just that i don't want to risk losing 'the One' again. i lost 'the One' once and i don't wanna lose 'the One' again. i thought i was over 'the One' but it seems otherwise. i am (still!) hopelessly in love with him/her. argh. i hate this feeling.

i don't want to hope but...

naguguluhan ako..

help?

...

footnote: nga pla, i'm bi. as in bisexual. just wanna let you know. hope you won't judge me for being a bisexual. =p

i think growing up in an exclusive girls' school made me like this. but i don't mind. i'm happy with my sexuality. hehe. =p

by the way, i won't disclose if 'the One' is a girl or a guy. i'll leave that to your imagination. =p

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 00:18:03 GMT

“To let go is to love more.”

Bleargh.

Moving on isn’t as hard as I first thought it to be. No crying spells, sleepless nights or even rainy days. It was simply a day by day journey towards forgetting you.

It has been 3 years since I started loving you. 3 agonizing years. I believe this is the perfect time for me to start loving myself, instead of just YOU.

The past 3 years were all about you. Your memories. Your dreams. With me (or was it without me?). I never tried to question you. I never even tried to doubt you and your supposed love for me then. It was as if everything was a dream come true. Suddenly, time stopped and you left me hanging in the open. You left me with all those memories. You left me to fend for myself and my delusion that we were once a ‘we’. It was as if you never even knew me. You denied my existence and shut me off from your world. OUR world. A world which ceased to exist the moment you left. I tried to make you come back to me but all I heard was the shutting of your door. Not once did I doubt that you would come back and take me into your arms again. Yet, you proved me wrong. These were all but figments of my vivid imagination. You were never coming back to me. You were all but a dream. A dream I could not have. A dream I could only desire. A simple dream.

I’ve tried so many things to forget you. Tried doing this, doing that. But nothing could make me forget you. It did nothing but remind me of you. Of us. It took me three years. Yes, three years to try and forget you. Three painful years to forget what we once had. And now, I will move on. I will forget you and my memories of you.

Til we meet again. My love. Saranghae.

***saranghae- I love you. (Korean)

####

cheesy me. haha. it seems like only yesterday when i wrote (typed?) this. but you know what, 'the One' has come back. 'the One' took the initiative to come back. i moved away from 'the One' but it was 'the One' who came back. i thought i've already learned to forget 'the One' but i've been proven wrong. i still LOVE 'the One'.

hayyy.

Love hurts like hell.

*sorry for the post above. tinotopak na naman ako. =]

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 07:37:59 GMT

i cried.

dunno why.

i woke up to a message from 'the One' and i cried.

yes, i friggin cried.

maybe because it was the first time (in so long) that 'the One' expressed concern for me.

or maybe i'm just getting sentimental.

whatever.

+second post+

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 15:31:06 GMT